Hey guys and dolls, a friend submitted this to me today and I just about almost died laughing. Just so you know, I will be posting some pictures tonight from the AVN’s in the members section.
Here is my friends email he sent:
This is dedicated to all the government & history teachers in our public schools. Feel free to use this as a lesson plan.
STUDY THIS HISTORY LESSON CAREFULLY !!
History began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer & would go to the beach & live on fish & lobster in winter.
The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer & the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.
These were the foundation of modern civilization & together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals & Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain & that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking & killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as “the Conservative movement.”
Other men who were weaker & less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q’s & doing the sewing, fetching & hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as ‘girleymen.’ Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy & group hugs & the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat & beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, & French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood & group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t “fair” to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat & still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes & generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who actually want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to “govern” the producers & decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame & created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today’s lesson in world history.
I hope to see you there soon!!!!! Don’t let the cold keep you from getting out. I will make sure you warm up real fast with some LOVE!!!! Rebecca Love.
But to be nominated was good enough for me. It would have been great to win, and yes I DID CRY when I didn’t. DAMMIT I thought I was the best cock sucker out there! And there are many that would agree with me I am sure. hehe
