OK, I participated in one of the biggest hallmark holidays. I admit it. Of course, if you don’t have someone, I guess your off to a bad start. Well, wait until you hear about my Valentine’s. You might want to wait on the ledge a little longer before you jump. You will at least get a good laugh about it before an accidentally fall. Are you ready for my Valentine’s parody?
Here I am all dressed up and ready for an amazing dinner at this five star restaurant on the other side of town. My boy comes and picks me up. Do you want to know what he was wearing? Pictures this….red shirt with white collar and cuffs. His neck tie was “kiss marks” down it red lips on black tie. He had a button he pushed to make it light up and do “smooches”. Kind of corny, kind of cute. I just wanted to give you a visual before we go to this yummy place I love. Oh, I forgot about me….I was wearing hottness…..lol <br>
All right we make it to the place. We meet the Matrede …all is good. He escorts us to a secluded alcove, the ambience is there. A rose is handed to me before he is handed the wine list. I am in awwwwwwww…..then we ORDER….
We should have known there was something up when the waiter said, “I don’t recommend the Dover Sole”.
They prepared a Valentine’s menu …..So we order “Between The Sheets” as our FOREPLAY…..that was how it read on the menu as an appetizer. Which is a scallop baked in a pastry shell with mushroom inside. Sounds yummy to me. Oh, plus we also requested a chocolate soufflé for dessert ….You have to make sure that is said at the beginning of dinner because it take at least 30 minutes to bake. We continued with our selection for the evening.<br>So far so good right? WRONG…..Here is where the story takes a turn.
We are chatting when the scallops come….Right off the bat I make a comment about it smells between the sheets….It was the scallops of course. I am hungry so I can’t wait to dig in. We both take a bite at the same time. Not only did it smell bad, it tasted funny. The scallop wasn’t even cooked all the way. Out came the food back on the nice China. OK, can’t win them all….we have salad coming. You can’t f_uck up salad, right?
Our Caesar salad came…..it came with tomatoes. Have you ever had tomatoes’ on a Caesar? Plus, the taste wasn’t there either. Dressing bland and soggy lettuce. I know it sounds snobbish. However, when you are paying five star prices, you want quality. If I was at Denny’s I wouldn’t have high expectations.
Moving onto the main course. I had the snapper….which was AWESOME and his veal was tasty too. See it wasn’t all bad. For the sides the garlic mash potatoes were mouth watering. And one of my favorites, cream-of-spinach…..Bad, Very Bad!! ….it should have been milk-of-spinach. It was like a bowl of cereal. I am serious, they had to drain the spinach out of the milk to serve it on the plate.
Dinner is over “bring on dessert“……my soufflé…..droolingCappuccinos on the way a little Grande Marnier to add in them on the side…..now just waiting. Waiter comes back with a nice refreshing glass of ginger ale. Why? Because he got the table mixed up. Ahhhhhhhhhh, now our coffee’s make it to our way. Still waiting on the soufflé…..
While we are waiting for that delicious mountain of chocolate surprise. I decide to add a little of the Grande Marnier to my hot beverage. Mind you the Cappuccino was GREAT without the booze. I took a good swig and made a scrunched up face. I ruined my coffee….but still drank it because I needed the kick at this time. That is when I notice my boy spooning something out of his snifter glass holding the liquor.. I thought it was a piece of cork. No, it was a FRUIT FLY. Yes, a little black 6 legged winged BUG garnish. We did share that glass for the coffee delight. Oh, did I mention …..still waiting on the soufflé…..
Almost finished the coffee which I was drinking slowly to savor with my soufflé, when my chocolate mousse arrived. Compliments of the chef. I know it was a distraction because the soufflé was taking so long. However, don’t offer me dessert when I have dessert coming. I was saving my palette for the succulent soufflé. Did I say soufflé enough in this short story? Offer an another drink so time slips away from me. At least that would have been my thought. So I am still waiting …..
Finally, the soufflé makes it to the table. Yay…My grand finale is here…..Expectations are high, I know bad start. The dessert was dry with the sauce on the side. It was like pound cake. I am not sure if you know what a soufflé is but if you don’t then the Soufflé is GREAT, if you do then you would understand why I was disappointed.<br>
Now you would think I am having an awful time but that was not the case. I was having a comical night. I enjoyed every moment. It was getting better by the minute. My tragedy was a comedy. I loved it.
So they wrapped up the other mousse which I saved because I didn’t want to ruin my dessert…you know THE SOUFFLE. When we were about to leave the establishment, a costumer handed me my mousse which was delivered to the wrong table once again.<br>
Now you would think that was the icing on the cake…..NO!!
We call to cancel our hotel reservations because we were tired and the romance was gone from the humor. When we went to cancel the room there was NO RESERVATION. Do you know how hard it is to get a room in Vegas on Valentine’s? It’s like getting snow in August. Now that would have been a real disaster if we went and couldn’t check in….We are still laughing…Good times….
When we get home I strip out of my garter, thigh highs, match bra set and heels ….YES, I had the whole evening planned out and that “monkey wrench” screwed me up. Needless to say my sex drive was in park. So, we topped the evening listening to LOVE SONGS by Weird Al Yankovic. Then we laughed some more and feel asleep………………after the BJ.
See there was a happy ending…
Happy Valentine’s ………………….
I will be telling this story on
www.KinkdOut.comWednesday….Tune in and LISTEN
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